"...but life is also what you make it. Life might be short but it is your choice how you live it and what you make of it. You always have choices." by unknown number on my brother's phone. July 10 2007

This text message to my brother Ryan, weeks before he died, only adds to the tragedy of his death.

Ryan said: "I'm still lost but I'm sober... just wanted to say goodbye to you and drugs." August 17 2007

She (the unknown number) said "I'm proud of you. You are one of the most interesting people I know. Good luck with life!" August 17 2007

He said "Hmph... luck is an oxymoron you know that. But well wishes to you too, trust your advice. I did. Actually I'll miss it. K gb" August 18 2007

His last text to his good friend/brother "I did it. I got insurance, got my license AND I beat all weapons!!" (Don't know what that last part was about but he had finally repaired his only beloved material possession, his car.) August 20 2007

His life ended tragically by the hand of his 'friend' on August 24 2007.

I read these texts both in disbelief and in anger. It seems to mock and taunt me. Just as he was changing his life around for the better, it gets cut short so abruptly. Fuck. It's so unfair.

Now all I'm left with is the wanting of a future that will never be, and the never ending regrets of "I should have..", "I wish I had..", "I could have..", and "I want.."

But not to end this in complete meloncholy... I'll ALWAYS remember him as my only protective, talented, bright, misunderstood brother that I respect highly and miss dearly.

I love you Ryan.